Lime and Lyme

Okay, so many friends have asked...."how are you feeling?" A slew of questions about my health recently. I didn't realize it is just past the 1 year anniversary of my diagnosis of Lyme. It was a year long battle, too.

I think the Lyme is becoming a distant memory (or is it because of the neurological damage to my short term memory?). Or maybe it is because I am 42 and um, getting not so young as I used to be.

Oh, there are residuals. Lyme does some crazy damage. I can't keep potassium in me. No wonder I was having heart and respiratory problems! So I eat a banana a day and carry a bottle of supplements. Lyme in its worst moments sucks the life out of you. And then to always remind you you had it - leaves little problems, like this. I've met others who have the exact same problem post-lyme. It helps to know that even if a doctor doesn't believe me (I'm on doctor #11), I know there are others out there experiencing the same thing = Mom is NOT crazy.

But at least I can now drink a margarita and anything else. I can eat what I want (and I have the weight gain to prove it - oh not that bad, but I need to get my butt in gear, literally).

I still love LIME. I still hate LYME.
When is happy hour? Oh, I haven't even had my coffee yet. 7:15am time to wake the kids...

Plain Ol' Person

The following dialog happened as I was having some time with my 5 year old before bedtime.

Me: "So what do you want to be when you grow up?"

(I ask this every month to see how things change)

Son: "A baseball player and a fireman."

Me: "So you think you can do both? That might be hard in the summer, don't you think?"

Son: "I can do both of them."

Me: "Don't you want to do something different? Something other than baseball?"

Son: "No, I don't want to be a plain ol' person like Daddy."

(I was completely shocked and feeling appalled at what he just said)

Me: "What? What do you mean Daddy is a plain ol' person?!?!?!?!"

Son: "He just sits in his office all day. He's a plain ol' person."

Me: "Daddy has an important job, it has a name."

Son: "No, he's just a plain ol' person."

(at this point I am feeling really bad for my husband! But I thought for a moment....)

Me: "Do you mean Daddy is not a famous person, like a baseball player?"

Son: "Yeah, baseball players get famous. Daddy is just a plain ol' person, he isn't a famous baseball player, he just plays baseball with me. I don't want to be a plain ol' person."

Well, at least I can say he has set the bar high....? I think I am quite happy being a plain ol' person today.

Palin's Pseudo-Beehive-Faux-Bun Ponytail Thing & Copycats

As I awoke this morning, I mentally reviewed Sarah Palin's speech from the night before. Went into the bathroom, looked into the mirror and shuddered. No, I didn't shudder because I looked more crappier than normal. I had my standard looks-like-I-was-in-a-hurricane mess on top.

I thought:

How many women will copy Sarah Palin's pseudo-beehive-faux-bun ponytail thing she does to her hair? How the hell DOES she do that anyway? There must be a pound of bobby pins in there.

We see it happen all the time. Human behavior; we copycat. Someone will do something so unique and the next thing you know everyone is doing it. Hair is no exception.

REMEMBER Dorothy Hamill??? Anyone who was a little girl back in 1976 knows what I am talking about. Little girls ran to the beauty salon to get the famous WEDGE. Yes, women did, as well. There was Nadia and her pigtails. Farrah Faucet and her tricked out do which women invested insane amounts of money in hot rollers and hairspray to achieve the same look.

How many Moms will start copying the Palin hairdo? (See, are you shuddering at the thought?)

If she makes VP, then what will happen in the next 4 years? Perhaps the return of the bee hive? It could happen. Palin's hairdo (combined with the glasses) reminds me of a stern schoolmarm. As if she might come after naughty politicians with a ruler to rap on their knuckles. Oh that is another rant in draft form.

I've contemplated the possibilities even further: Women who will become "spunky Moms" or simply increase the usage of the word "spunky" in their vocabulary. Moms who will sign their kids up for hockey (even if the rink is 100 miles away) just because they now believe it will be more hip to be "hockey Mom" than be "soccer Mom". Hey, AOL put on their main page "HOCKEY MOM THROWS PUNCHES" to describe Palin's speech. Perhaps it will be hip to literally punch out other Moms now? Because that is what happens in hockey...

Don't forget, Sarah Palin said there was plenty of oil in Alaska. Republican Moms rejoice, for you will now be able to drive your gas guzzling SUVs on that 200 mile round trip you'll make to the rink so YOU can be a "hockey Mom" just like Palin. But I digress...

Don't think the whole copycat thing will happen? Then you, my friend, are not the parent/Mom of young children. There are some desperate Moms out there who will do anything to seek attention and be what they believe is hip. They are too competitive, always wanting to be better than the Mom next door. Yes, some of them never matured beyond High School.

It will be interesting to see what trends Sarah Palin brings to our culture if she and McCain win. If, key word. (Time to make a donation to the Democrat's campaign).

In the coming weeks and months, be on the lookout for Palin wannabe women. Grab your camera phone and send me the pics, then run for your lives! Stay strong and keep in touch with your stylist. If you find yourself pondering the possibility of the pseudo-beehive-faux-bun ponytail thing, seek help immediately.

I'd write more, but I need to go make some new anti-beehive flair for Facebook.

My Mom Killed My Cat - A Vengeful Mom

I know. I should be posting something perhaps more recent.

CEO's have to clean up smelly garbage from time to time. My Mom has created alot of garbage; a lifetime of it and some most recently. And the shit really stinks. I'll blog the recent garbage she left on my proverbial doorstep sometime, but below you will get a glimpse into the world of pyschotic June Cleaver.

Last night I sifted through the garbage and chatted with Julie/CrunchyMom, I recalled the time my Mom killed my cat. Did you blink twice and reread that line? Yes, I said my Mom killed my cat. No....it wasn't accidentally.

This was a retaliation kill.

Really. Seriously, I can't make this stuff up.

Join me for a moment in 1985. I had just started college.

Mom demanded I come home Labor Day weekend of my Freshman year. Honestly, it was more like an order: "you WILL come home ". One problem: NO CAR! None of my friends were going home for me to bum a ride, so end of story. I phoned and told her I couldn't make it home that weekend. She was angry. Oh yes, once again I was a huge disappointment and had disobeyed her orders. I reminded her I was coming home a different weekend because I did have a ride then.

A couple of weeks later I packed and headed home. I knew my cat was sick. I was happy to go home and see her one more time. When my Dad picked me up he informed me Mom had just taken my cat to the vet to have her put to sleep before I got home. "Why didn't she wait until I got home?" I asked.

He told me Mom did it to get back at me for not coming home Labor Day Weekend. And sure enough, she had done it.

She claimed the cat was just "too sick to wait for me to get home". When I said I wanted to go to the vet and see her, Mom's response was "I will not allow you to." Not allow me? She refused to tell me which vet she took the cat to!!! When I told her she was being mean, the ugliness within her emerged and she showed her true self. "This is what you get for not coming home Labor Day weekend when I told you to. Maybe next time you will do what I say."

Dad wasn't kidding. The crazy woman admitted to killing my cat just because I didn't make it home when she demanded. I would never wish anyone to have the kind of Mom I have.

So many crazy stories, so little time.

The CEO Gets Sick

When a Mom - the CEO of the family corporation - gets sick, everything crashes.

Well, at least in my house. The laundry doesn't get done, the house doesn't get cleaned, the dog and the frog don't get fed, meals are lousy, I forget all the extra curricular things the kids are supposed to be doing, and soon it looks like someone took a leaf blower to the inside of the house, leaving mountains of crap everywhere.

I have advanced Lyme Disease.

And maybe my kids DID take the leaf blower to the inside of the house the other day....but because of my Lyme, I don't recall if they did.

I remember having the tick back in June, having a red sore spot on the back of my head. But I forgot to do something about it. Why?

Because I am the CEO/Chief Everything Officer and on top of doing EVERYTHING I was also dealing with horrible tooth pain, a root canal, company from out of town, kidney infection, kidney stones with horrible pain and the realization that I am 40. By the time I got done with my dental appointments, my other doctor appointment and had the capacity to think "hm, I think I had a deer tick", the burning sore was gone. And so the tick was a distant memory....until trip #3 to the ER.

I know I am lucky that an ER doctor was smart enough to identify all the symptoms I was presenting. Some people go for years before someone figures it out.

I wish it was LIME Disease. Because that goes well with a CEO. That wonderful, fresh green goes with just about everything in life. A cheerful, fun color. The color of my dining room and living room. The color of a cool margarita.

Lyme, on the other hand, does NOT go well with a CEO. It takes away everything I need in order to be the CEO. It is ugly, debilitating and for many a lifelong battle.

It has been hard for my husband and family to realize that Mom AKA CEO can't do everything right now. Multitasking is just out of the question for the time being. I guess they will figure it out sooner or later when they have no clothes left to wear or no more food to eat...whichever comes first.

You Might Need A New Doctor If....

You might need a new doctor if they can't tell the difference between an artery and a lymph node in your neck.

Mine certainly sent me on a terrifying trip to the ENT demanding I have him do biopsies of my lymph nodes and then go get CT scans of my neck. It was NOTHING.

When I went back to her and told her to stop acting like I had a million other diseases and to just focus on the Lyme she said "but it is my job to find everything wrong with you".

Enough is enough. I'm shopping for a new Primary Care Physician. Prerequisite: Must have passed Anatomy 101.

Wawa vs Starbucks

I love Wawa coffee. I know, it probably isn't any different from Sheets or 7-11. But there are so many more flavors and options at Wawa. It tastes so much better than Starbucks. Starbucks rots my stomach; I feel like I am drinking sludge. Wawa, I can stomach it just fine and can completely control what goes into that cup of coffee.

I had to challenge my brain the other day. For me to obtain a cup of Wawa coffee, is no easy task. You see, the nearest Wawa is about 14 miles. The nearest Starbucks, about 6 miles. But when you factor in the cost of gas and the cost of the coffee, it costs the same no matter which place I go.

Oh, I can hear The Crunchy Mom telling me that I am not helping the environment by driving the 28 mile RT to get a 16oz cup of coffee. I do work it in with a multitude of other stops I have to make, and only do this about 2x a month. Why should I sit and idle in a line of 15 cars in the Starbucks drive thru dumping toxins into the air for nothing more than a cup of sludge with tons of fat in it?

See, Crunchy Mom, I did think it through!

(Besides, my husband will eat nothing but Wawa hoagies).